Thursday, November 14, 2013

Before you accept to Divorce, Revisit and Revise your Relationship Vows:

“Children see magic because they look for it.”
                                        Christopher Moore

Have we stopped believing in magical stories or just that we have outgrown childhood fantasies that used to be our inspiration to live and grow big as a beautiful girl or a handsome boy? I have been stuck emotionally from past few days. I would rather say, ‘crushed within the deep thoughts’, when I heard series of heartbreaks caused by divorce. I could not believe when I learned that, few of my friends got divorced.

I have always been horrified by this word, ‘divorce’. I am a wife and a mother of a 3 year old daughter, but I still fail to understand the reasons behind such act. But after such numerous instances, I was forced to rethink about the loss, any divorce can cause.

I want to understand why the relationship that was so dear to me suddenly appeared to look bitter. Are we missing on any possibilities that could have saved our relationship? Can we again start thinking like a child and believe in some magic to happen. Why are we becoming so vulnerable to such incidents in our life? Can we stop break-ups? Thousands of questions and possibilities are running in my mind right now.

 I am not writing this article to discuss faults, solutions or share the to-do list. I would rather want you all to walk with me for a moment and revisit your life from day one, when you started walking alone and then found a partner to tread along with you and you kept going and going, until circumstances stopped you both again.

No family is perfect, but we together make it a perfect place to breathe in peacefully. Husband and wife together, create a place called ‘Home’, and then secure all the walls together by tying it with love, trust, dreams, respect, values, mistakes, compromises and corrections. When any one of these starts falling apart, they work harder to get it along together. That’s when a family is created and sustained.

Even before such instances trigger in our life, can we not correct it in advance? I discussed with one of my friends, who went through this tragedy and realized that she kept complaining about her husband’s fault unless she released that, she was equally responsible for the differences they welcomed in their relationship.

 I don’t want to be judgmental in saying that, it’s both of yours life and you should be responsible and aware about where things are going wrong. Try to flashback your memory and think when you both stopped liking each other or did not spend much time talking to each other? We start distancing, when we stop understanding.

Men and Women are made up of different qualities. One quality commands over other in different situations. It is absolutely ok to be submissive, quiet and a kind husband/wife at some point in your relationship. If you are ready to sacrifice today, you will gain a better life tomorrow.

The most important thing we forget is the kid (s) that gets affected emotionally through this phase. They may seem to get away with such changes, but the internal damage lasts forever and they fail to trust relationship.

After few months of my friend’s divorce, I saw her changing physically and trying hard to stay happy and busy. I was happy to learn that, but I asked her one day, “Did you try doing all this while you were in the relationship?” She said no. 

I asked,"did you try knowing his likes and dislikes after a certain point in your relationship?"
No, "she answered."

"Weren't you too bossy at times and did not try to comprehend the masculine nature?"

Yes, maybe I guess, "she answered."

After we reach a certain stage in our marriage, we start taking things for granted. We often decline to understand each other’s temperament, because everything was fine initially. As your relationship grows older, so does your nature. Changes occur financially, socially and personally. We tend to face new challenges as we grow older as married couple.

Try harder even before you start to regret. Drop all egos and start learning your life.

Believe in your magical power and take time to settle down disputes. There is no comparison to the ‘woman’ power. Learn to stay calm in any arguments and understand the nature of a boy in your man. They tend to be more aggressive and assertive than woman.

If you take that extra step now and try to understand the reasons/external factors that are triggering bitterness in your marriage relationship, I hope you can save it today.

Whenever there is a divorce or break-up, we always try to put the blame on our partner. But how many of us really speak out our faults? This is a no blame game. This is both of your life, and only and only you both can save it from ruining.

Hunt for that magical spill that can save your relationship. You will see magic is happening, only when you look for it.

Never forget, that he was your only favorite person you ever believed, and had dreams to carry on your life with. Trust me! Magic happens. But we need to keep believing and working towards it. Don’t give up! Hope my article will help you in protecting this beautiful relationship, called Marriage.


  1. Loud and clear, Epsita!

    Divorce is a non-existent word in my inner language. I, we, would never have divorced.

    Unfortunately, this is too late to be of any service now. It was great while we were happy, but Fate decided I was not to keep my wife for too long. And she was so young.

    Oh! I know she is better now, singing in Heavenly Choirs, but in a selfish picture I am not better, I miss her, and find that missing is a very poor word.

    I never, or almost never talk or write about this, it is too painful, but your post made me think: How would it have been to get old together?

    Sorry for the sad innuendos.

  2. I am so sorry to hear that Od!! Sending you my prayers!! I am sorry if my post hurt you. I can imagine your pain. I wish such terrible unspoken pains ever get solutions, but nothing except trying hard everyday to live strong yet in pain.
    The only reason, I wrote on this topic is: I wanted to create a possibility. I know 'divorce' is not a blame game. Both people are equally responsible in most cases, but instead of learning about our mistakes, we continue to blame the other one.

    Through this post- I just want to create an awareness about trying to stop this decision- if at all possible. Because kids are the one- who gets affected the most!! They don't show it, but live their life hiding bid scars underneath.
    Hope we find a solution to this someday!!

    You take care and sorry again!! Wishing you all happiness and a beautiful life ahead.....


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