Alert! There might be tears, pain, hate, hurt, and heartbreaks, as I bare my soul in this letter. There have been so many muted emotions that I finally wanted to give a voice and share them with everyone! Not because I want sympathy and more likes; but because I felt it is necessary to share and channelize those depressing sad experiences I’ve had in my early years of life [especially during my teenage years and later]. I believe this will help someone to see the light and to find hope if they have been in a similar situation!
So here I go……
Dear Past Self,
I know you are a shy person and you don’t prefer talking much with anyone! I know how hard it has been for you to trust people; especially “friends” 🙁 And right now you are so lonely and full of emotions that you’ll burst into tears if I tell you that, “ you are the best kind person I know in this world!” Trust me, you are! You will hear this quite often, fast-forward a few years after you become a mommy. I wish I can write every single best thing that has happened so far, and make you feel happy and alive again; but unfortunately I will run out of papers, and or space in this universe to pen down every single big, small, and tiny successes you’ve achieved as an individual!
Life has been so daunting and downright unfair so far isn’t it? I know you’re trying your best to do well in your studies. And you want to shine bright just like other kids in your class. But hey, don’t feel bad! You’re giving your best and you’ll learn so much out of all these failures and rejections. Trust me! You’ll make your family proud by just being you. It might take a little longer, but you are going to be very successful! I know you’ve a secret hunch that you’ll do something “big” for people all around the planet. And here’s the spoiler alert: You will earn your respect back, and will claim your space in this universe. Know that you will be an inspiration to many. And you are going to lead lives to find their inner voice and creativity.
Can you believe it, you’re a full-fledged adult now! A mom of two amazing sweet kids. I still remember, when you wanted to grow up fast as an adult; to be an independent and a free spirit. Let me tell you a secret– the whole journey until now has not been that bad! The things that you’re learning right now is going to help you stay stronger and firm in your journey to adulthood. So hang in there. Do not stop believing! By being an adult, I’ve been lucky to experience all the freedom that comes along with it, and it is so much better than you have imagined!
If I ask you to look in the mirror, I’m sure you’ll not recognize yourself! The way you look today, the way you talk now, the clothes that you wear, a positive aura that you’ve created around you is so magnetic and inspiring that people have started loving this new identity of yours! Do you know, you are so confident in everything that you do now?
There are few things I wish I had done differently though!
You are doing everything you can to be around people/friends/family. But please stay away from people pleasing! Don’t listen to everybody, just listen to your heart! Invest time in learning and creating new things.
I’ll not ruin the surprise of the discovery and adventure that you are about to go on in some years down the line, but let me just say that you’re no less than anybody around you, now! You’re a star that nobody knows about it, but silently she is learning to shine on it’s own!
Be aware that it is not going to be an easy journey to your adulthood, rather a lot more bumpy ride! Lot more rejections, failures, heartaches, and sobbing is ahead of you, but you stay stronger just the way you have been so far, and face those hell lot more challenges that life is going to throw on you with patience and hope. I’m incredibly proud of you, just the way you are.
But I still wish if I can go back and tell myself; I would rather ask you to start reading books and be more confident about your knowledge, your understanding, and the way you look at things; about your perception of life and the lessons it’s teaching you. You will learn the art of authenticity and staying positive in every negative situation. You will start learning about your strengths and you’ll confidently believe in them too! You will learn to trust yourself. Today you might be lonely but this will change; and you will enjoy being alone going further! You’ll have three best companions, who will change your definition of ‘I don’t want to be lonely anymore!’
Disapprovals and rejections will continue to destroy your confidence. But promise me that you’ll rise up after every “fall” and will fight back- even if you’re tired. I don’t want you to give up!
I know people take you for granted, but you’ll be surprised to know that you’ll grow out of all these only to evolve as a brave, informed, and tough woman! I can see how everyone around you thinks you are weak, meek, incapable, ugly, incompetent, useless, and unworthy. But my dear; stay calm and believe in your journey! Every experience you are going through right now, or you will go through in the future, good, bad, worst, and the ugly is preparing you to brave the wilderness; and will eventually get you where you are supposed to be; and you’ll emerge stronger than ever.
I know you were never celebrated and or accepted to be a gift from the universe; but girl, you’re going to make yourself proud of every tiny thing about you; by writing your own story and giving all your numbed emotions of hate, longing, ignorance, disapprovals, rejections, and criticisms a loud voice that will be heard, accepted, and celebrated too! Just know that, I am writing this letter from a place of power, authenticity, happiness, and gratitude. Please remember that you’re growing every second towards this. Do not give up!
I still have so much to share. May be in my next letter, love! Until then Pray. Believe. Believe A Little Harder and keep moving forward with faith.
Your Forever Friend,
Epsita [your future self]